Pushing Past the Creative Wall

P1170717The screen is blank. I’m staring at it, typing a few words, and erasing them again. It’s sort of like writer’s block, but it’s really Me block. In the rush of daily life, I’ve lost touch with myself. It happens every so often, when I have too much going on, or when I don’t get enough time to recharge my batteries. Introvert time.

It has been a challenging month or so with the craziness of Christmas, and school vacation, and snow days. And then, just when everyone else is settling back into real life, I flew away to Vegas for the Consumer Electronics Show. But not before putting in an offer on a new house. Who does that?

My red-eye return from a week of Vegas madness was marked by a home inspection and an afternoon of Girl Scout Cookie sales. No sweat. Instead, it was the week of manic packing and cleaning that followed that nearly did me in. We’ve lived here almost 10 years. We’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. All of that scurrying about left me with little time for finding the inner quiet that feeds my creativity.

Mid-week, already exhausted, worried, and stressed, I got some bad news. I learned that an old friend (someone I had dated for more than two years, in fact) had passed away more than a year prior. He deserves a post of his own, but I can’t just yet. I found myself trying to figure out how to mourn someone that I didn’t know what gone, and how to explain my sadness to a world of friends and family who had never even met him. Moreover, that my mourning was less about my loss (I hadn’t seen him in more than 10 years), and more about a vibrant life cut far too short (he was only 36 when he passed). I’m still struggling with the idea that he isn’t out there in the world laughing and giving great bear hugs.

I’m not sure what got me through that week, other than, I suppose, the draw of a new home with space for me to work quietly, and room for the kids to run. I wrapped up the week selling Girl Scout cookies in the middle of a snow storm and an open house that we were barely ready for.

It has taken me all week to get mind to a place where I can even consider sitting down to really write. And even now, the sounds of my family bustling around, and the bright lights, and the chill in the air distract me,  making each word a challenge to find. Still, as Bug swings by to give me a hug, I know it’s worth it.

But, boy, oh, boy I hope this house sells quickly and I can get my office with a door…

2 Responses to Pushing Past the Creative Wall

  1. Sending good real estate vibes and life, and parenthood, and all that goodness your way!!

    I think we need a girls’ night out again soon!

    Leah

  2. Well, I want to be the godmother-aunt who says something profound . Something witty and wonderful that clears the path for you and your creative juices. Not gonna happen! Can’t fix everything! Reached the point in life where I’ve recognized that trying to fix everything is not always the best response! People like to find their own. They feel better and stronger and wiser when they do. But listening…I can do that! So many times when you say it out loud…or write it down…the way to move becomes clear. My Sara helped me learn that!! My life is full of beautiful, strong young women who are finding their path! I love them all and am so grateful for them. I love watching them become…So yay you, for working it through, and finding the words, and being who you are!!! Love you!! AK

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