While the star-quality of bloggers runs a wide spectrum, we fall into three main categories:

A-Listers – It’s a short list, but these folks get more invitations than they know what to do with. They are ambassadors for so many brands it’s surprising they can keep track. If you’re at an event, you expect that at least some of them will be, too. I don’t know if these sought-after bloggers deal with the highs and lows so much, given how busy they are, but it’s likely that even they are sad to miss out on a choice experience. Keep in mind that although A-Listers are almost always talented and hardworking, sometimes it’s mere circumstance that has catapulted them to ultimate stardom. They may just have “the look,” a compelling backstory, or the good fortune to be in the right place at the right time. It doesn’t mean they are better than you are.

Starlets – These are the new bloggers, those that blog occasionally as a hobby or for personal expression, or those who haven’t figured out that you generally have to look further than your own blog to get noticed. Since they don’t ever get invited, they aren’t as obsessively checking their email. A invitation is a surprise and a large treat. Starlets may have less experience – or less interest – in the glamorous aspects of blogging, but don’t count them out. Some of them are the best writers out there.

B-Listers – This is the rest of us and we are a diverse group. We have big blogs and little blogs, we span all ages, ethnicities, and socio-economic backgrounds. The only thing we have in common (other than our blogging) is that some opportunities will come our way, and some won’t. This is probably the most difficult space to be in. You know that you’ve got enough influence or built enough relationships or done some other thing right to catch the attention of the powers that be, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating when a dry spell hits or when you miss out on the most amazing opportunity ever. It’s even harder when we’re surrounded by the seemingly never-ended good fortune of our social media friends [here's a tip… most likely, unless they are A-List, they're going through the exact same feelings you are!].

Day after day I watch my fellow bloggers struggle with the ebb and flow of attention that comes with an established blog. A blogger may one day be announcing a fantastic ambassadorship, and just weeks later lament about how no one knows they exist. Just after an amazing trip where they were pampered, they talk about not being a “cool kid” or liken themselves to “redheaded stepchildren” [to which I must comment that this is offensive to redheads and to stepfamilies, many of whom are as loving and supportive as any other family type. AHEM.]. There are days when your mailbox is filled with goodies galore, and those where there are only bills. And as much as I am occasionally inclined to slap people upside the head for complaining, I get it. The highs are addictive, and the lows can make you question everything you’re doing.

I’ve put together some tips for holding onto the highs and riding out the lows:

1. Remember that each opportunity is limited in scope. If there are tens of thousands of bloggers who could possibly be included and only 25, 50 or 100 spots, you can’t always get in. Remind yourself that it’s good to spread the love!
2. Try not to take it personally. Your blogging talent isn’t necessarily what they’re looking for. You may just not meet the demographic, numbers, style, or vibe they are looking for. It could be that your blog is pink and the person reviewing blogs has something against pink. There’s not always a lot of science going on here.
3. Stay true to yourself and your message. Do NOT start adding topics to your blog simply to try hook more opportunities – it dilutes your message/voice and can make you look flighty. Instead, find ways to broaden your coverage while still holding onto your niche. For example, if you blog about travel, but want to integrate more technology, make it a point to highlight the technology in hotels, airports, and tourist destinations. If you blog about your kids, but want to start covering fashion, talk about outfits that are great for moms who are short on time (and possibly money). You’re still maintaining expertise in a particular area, but you’re showing versatility as well.
4. Don’t beg, whine, or gripe in public. Trust me when I say that you are not the only one who is disappointed. See point #1. Handling it with grace at the very least keeps you from looking childish or unprofessional. You’ll keep your bridges intact and be in the running for another opportunity.
5. If something comes about that you are truly passionate about, send a short note to the person coordinating it. Let them know (briefly) why you think you’re a good match, how you think you’d benefit the company, and that you’d love to be considered for future opportunities. Don’t beg for an invite as it puts that person in a difficult position.
6. Throw your energy into your blog. Rather than moping around, sit down and write a fantastic post for your blog. It’s healthier and it brings you one step closer to the success you’re looking for.
7. Create a “Keep the Highs” poster, folder, binder, or bulletin board. Every time you get a great opportunity or a cool gift in the mail, print out or create a visual representation and place it somewhere you can see it. I think it’s most powerful as a poster or a dedicated bulletin board, but a binder works if you don’t have wall space. This is your reminder of all of the great things that have come your way, and just a hint of those to come.

My biggest tip of all deserves its own paragraph: Do not let the whims of PR and marketing teams impact your self-esteem. A red carpet event is not the measure of a person or even a blog. At some point, you have to take control over your own destiny and not let the offers and opportunities drag you this way and that. Create your own magic, in whatever way you can!

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Over the past few months, however, I’ve noticed some trends that bother me and have had more than a few comments from PR people and bloggers that I think are worth noting. Today, I read Kelby Carr’s post, “Mom Bloggers Deserve to Get Paid.” Honestly, I’ve been avoiding reading it. I am tired of people whining about not getting paid, while doing nothing to deserve payment. Well, one thing led to another (I was reading her post, “How to Blog Like a Journalist” which referred back to the post above) and I decided to tackle the post because I fully respect Kelby, her writing and her professionalism. I was not disappointed. I basically agree with everything she wrote in her post, so she has spared me from writing something similar myself. I do want to emphasize a few points that got lost in her post and add a few of my own:

1. Review products are not payment, nor should they be. If you do reviews because you like the free products, go for it, but they are not intended as payment for writing about a company. Review products are given out so that you can actually write a hands-on, balanced review. Are you providing a service to the company? Yes, and if you write a balanced review, more than you know. Are they providing a service to you? Yes. Reviews are content. Without content, there are no readers. Oh, and don’t treat PR people like your own personal shoppers. More than one PR person has mentioned getting lists of products to review from certain bloggers. Choose one or two products and use them to build a relationship with the company first. If they think your work is quality and are happy with the return, they’ll continue to work with you.

2. Any PR person worth their salt wants you to tell the truth about a product you’re reviewing. Of course they don’t want you to bash a product, but they want you to share the things you like, and the things you don’t. Why? Well, first of all, a balanced review is more believable. If you can’t find anything negative (but constructive) to say about a product, you sound like a paid spokesperson. Your opinion loses validity. Second, constructive criticism helps a company make better products. This is why they do focus groups and marketing tests. Third, an honest review results in a customer who can make an educated purchase decision. If you purchase a product with realistic expectations, you are less likely to be disappointed with your purchase. Here are two examples

- Last year I blogged about a new virtual world from a well-known company. I didn’t do a full review, but I did blog some negative things about the site based on my experiences in testing it out. The company took the time to reach out, thank me for my feedback and set up a call with their development team to discuss my comments further. They turned a potential negative into a positive.

- I recently reviewed an educational product from a well-respected company. I commented in my review that a major shortcoming of the product was that it only allowed for an educational profile for one child. What if you have two kids who want to use it? When I asked for reader feedback of what they learned in my review, one reader said that she had decided to buy two of the products so each of her kids could retain their own profile. After reading my review, consumers could buy the product with realistic expectations, or even alter their purchasing decisions to overcome the problem. It’s value for my readers, as well as for the company.

3. Not reviewing products you don’t like is ok, but don’t just shove them in a closet and ignore them. If you have agreed to review a product, follow through on your commitment (this does not include the products that show up on your door or “accidentally” end up in your package or items to review). Since I am particular about what I review, I rarely have an experience where I can’t find something nice to say. When it happens, take a moment to write a friendly note to the PR person to briefly explain why you don’t feel comfortable writing a review. Sometimes it’s a personal thing, like not liking the scent in a beauty product. Sometimes you’re just not the intended audience. And sometimes the product doesn’t do what it should. Regardless, hold up your end of the bargain and at least provide a few sentences of feedback if you can. It can pay off in maintaining a professional relationship with the company and PR person. I once reviewed something that I thought was going to be an amazing product. It met a common need with a solution that seemed ideal. In trying it out, both of my kids ended up hysterical tears because they were so frustrated. Since I knew that other kids had enjoyed the product, I sent a private note to the PR rep to let her know our experience. I acknowledged that my kids were a bit younger than some of the other reviewers and explained what caused their frustration.

4. If you are asked to do anything other than review a product or event (which provides some value to you and your blog), including sitting in on a focus group (professional groups easily pay $75 or more for 2 hours of your time), serving as a spokesperson, organizing other bloggers, etc., you deserve compensation. Now, compensation can come in many forms. A trip to a part of a country you’ve never seen, a life-time supply of product or visibility for your blog might be worthwhile to you. I weigh my gain against the time it will take before I make a decision. Only you can say if something is worth your time, but don’t undersell yourself. No one will consider you to be a professional until you do.

5. If you get a pitch for a product, service, trip, etc., you should do one of four things 1) Delete it. If a PR person doesn’t take the time to target their pitches, I usually don’t take the time to reply. 2) Politely decline. Don’t launch into a tirade. Just briefly explain that it doesn’t fit into your focus, interests, schedule, etc., and move on. If it’s a good pitch, suggest another blogger who might be interested. 3) Accept. If it’s a simply pitch that interests you, give it a go ahead. 4) And this is the big one: reply and request clarification, compensation or to discuss it further. Don’t tell the PR person that your medical bills are piling up and you need the money. They don’t really need to know that. Tell them that your hourly rate is X or that you’d be willing to take it on with the following circumstances. Put the ball back in their court. They may decline, they may negotiate, or they may say yes. Regardless, you’ve put yourself forward as a writer with professional expectations. No matter how bad a pitch may be, don’t stoop to insulting the other person, either publicly or privately. The only real insult is accepting a pitch that is beneath you.

6. Balance confidence with humility. Most mom bloggers seem to undervalue their own work, but there are some who think that their site has more value than it does. Never, ever pull out the “blogger” card as in, “Do you know who I am?” or imply threats of a bad review. It’s just tacky. As a collective, we have a very strong voice, but there are actually not very many of us who can compete with traditional media outlets just let. If a company doesn’t think you’re worth their time, simply move on.

7. Nobody owes you anything. PR people don’t owe it to you to read your blog before pitching. Companies don’t owe it to you to pay you, unless you’ve got a contract with them. You set your expectations and live by them. I personally don’t care of a PR person even glances at my blog. I accept pitches that interest me and ignore those that don’t. I am more likely to respond to a personalized pitch, but I don’t care either way if the product is a good fit. I am not “insulted” when companies don’t offer to pay me what I think I’m worth. I simply say, “No.” As mom bloggers seek out professional gigs in the online world, we need to behave more like professionals. It’s business. While some companies may care about you as a person, that’s not their job. Their job is to look out for their best interests, yours is to look out for your best interests. Where those two needs meet is the ideal contract, but you have to do your part.

Ladies, we are talented, smart, funny, and influential. When we start to act like savvy entrepreneurs, the respect will follow.

And for the record, I know there are many people out there who have no idea who I am. This blog is smaller than others you may read and I’m ok with that. My ultimate goal in life is not to be a blogger celebrity, although I enjoy freelancing. But just so you get a sense of my experience, I write for a well-established site at About.com. I spoke at BlogHer ’09 and Blogalicious ’09 and am slated to speak at the Mommy Tech Summit at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in January. I work closely with several PR firms and companies giving feedback, freelancing and doing some consulting. I am paid for the work I do. And, although I haven’t done a large number of reviews on this site, I have done quite a few on About.com. I’ve been blogging since 2001.

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This is something I’ve been dealing with on a smaller, more personal scale for some time now. My more personal blog, More Than Mommy, has been my outlet for sharing the joys, challenges and musings on my life. Most of my friends and family remained blissfully ignorant of my blog and I was able to connect online with a community of bloggers who shared my frustrations and joys. And then, people I knew started to discover my blog and started to *gasp* read it. And all of a sudden, I became ever more self-conscious about my blogging topics. I’m constantly checking and double-checking to make sure my content won’t insult someone, either because it reflects negatively on them, or because I’m sharing news that I haven’t taken the time to share in person. And weirder, still, is the phenomenon of being cut-off mid-story by a friend, who simply nods and tells me they’ve already read about it on my blog.

I started blogging back in 2001, expressly to share things with friends and family. I was traveling extensively, and wanted to post my stories and photos for the people waiting for me at home. When my son was born, I stopped traveling, and started looking for an outlet to share all of the crazy emotions that came with being a parent. As a lifelong journaller, blogging had a lot of appeal. It meant that I could get my experiences out of my head, and into a place where they could be shared with others who were in a similar place in life. But the realities of parenting are such that I get frustrated with my in-laws, annoyed with my friends, furious with my husband, and absolutely sick of my children. These stories are harmless in an anonymous forum, but can be hurtful to the real-life people they reference. They’re the dark things in the back of your mind that you just want express so that they don’t fester.

While I’m not a big enough blogger to have to worry about protecting my brand, I can empathize with the loss of freedom of self-expression. And although Christine suggests a “return to the basics of creativity and communication” in lieu of worries over monetization, I’m not sure it’s that simple. Regardless of  your end-goals, the reality is that blogging is a public forum. Unless you’re an anonymous blogger (which creates a whole other level of challenges and seems less-than-worthwhile to me), you’re limited in some way by your ethics, values, and basic human kindness. There are days when I long to return to my old-fashioned paper journal (and occasionally, I do) where I have no concerns for anyone’s feelings but my own.

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I was able to answer her honestly with a “no.” I am particular about what I review and what I say. I’m not swayed to say good things about a product simply because I got it for free, although I am certainly more likely to talk about something that I have been able to test out myself. I will only accept review items that intrigue me for some reason so I usually don’t struggle to find something good to say. On the other hand, I am someone who thinks about things critically. I rarely have trouble finding constructive criticism either. Unless I’m reviewing something like soap. I mean, how much can you say about body wash?

The truth is that I like reviewing products and services. I am an early adopter and I’m always curious about new things on the market. I’m a sponge for information, whether I’m checking out a new gadget or hotel or learning everything there is to know about Mozart or the history of chewing gum (ok, I haven’t really read about that yet, but I may). On top of that, I love connecting with other people, sharing ideas and brainstorming. Blogger events are always a good time!

My friend’s question did get me thinking, though. What is it that I really like about doing reviews? It’s not just about free stuff, believe it or not. There are 5 reasons why I enjoy review blogging that have nothing to do with freebies:

1. Having the opportunity to learn about and try new products and services before other people.
2. Sharing feedback with manufacturers and service providers about their products.
3. Serving as a resource for friends and family, as well as others online. People often ask me for purchasing advice (especially in regards to the products I review on About.com) because I’ve had a chance to try out a lot of different products.
4. Receiving invitations to blogger events. As I said above, connecting with other bloggers is really important to me.
5. Getting “insider” information and tours. As I mentioned in my Peapod review, I love a good backstage tour!

With all that said, it’s important to me that my blog not just consist of product reviews. I know a lot of bloggers like to keep a separate review blog, but that’s counterintuitive to me. I believe that what makes blog reviews powerful is that they are trusted sources. And I think they become trusted sources as we get to know bloggers as people. Having reviews next to other types of editorial provides context for my opinions. I’m not using products in a sterile testing environment. I’m testing out cupcakes at a birthday party and I’m dancing along to music with my kids as part of our daily fun. These happen to be “review products,” but could just as well have been things I purchased at the store. The point is that they become a part of our lives, if only temporarily. It makes no sense to me to talk about them separately as if they aren’t. Even more importantly, I don’t want to give the impression that we spend our days testing out product after product.

So, no, I don’t think I’m “selling out” by trying new products and talking about them on my blog. If I am influenced by free product, it’s merely that I have had an opportunity to try something that I might not have tried on my own. And that I may be even more knowledgeable about the things we are testing than I normally would be. I know that I’m holding true to who I am as a person and what I believe as a parent. I think that’s the challenge that goes out to all bloggers whether they do product reviews or not. And, in the end, I think that our readers will vote with their feet (or their eyes in this case) to visit the bloggers that are authentic and with whom they feel a connection.

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