My kids weren’t nearly as impressed with the beach. Bug has overcome his intense dislike of the sand and will play in it, but is still reluctant to walk around without shoes or play in the waves. LadyBug wanted nothing to do with the sand or the beach. We finally convinced her that it wasn’t so different from the sandbox at school, but she still wanted her shoes on and to remain a significant distance from the ocean. She was so put out by the situation that she went hysterical when forced to walk barefoot. Yeah.

My sister-in-law made a comment (that was only partially in jest) to the effect of, “What’s wrong with your kids?” Of course, my niece, who is about the same age as LadyBug isn’t afraid of the beach at all. But, you know what? Whatever. My kids are cautious when faced with new people and new situations. I think a little fear is healthy.

When Bug was born, I decided to fight any tendency to be an over-protective first-time mom. I think that parents who hover anxiously over their kids create an environment that feels like it should be scary. Despite all my efforts to the contrary, Bug is as cautious as they come. I actually believe that there are some neurological reasons behind that, but it doesn’t really matter. He is who he is and his caution allows him to be observant, charming and a joy to explore the world with. LadyBug shows her fear in unexpected ways. She’ll be terrified of a small dog, but can’t wait to pet a chicken. She’ll jump off the couch, but cower away from the water on the shore. Once again, she is who she is.

When I was a child, I was afraid of a lot of things, especially activities I wasn’t sure I’d be good at. It kept me from trying new things, meeting new people and just enjoying my life. As an adult, I’ve been able to move past a lot of those fears, mainly by setting my mind to make the most out of my opportunities. Ok, I’m still afraid of certain things, but I try not to let those hold me back.

One of the biggest lessons I want to teach my kids is that it’s ok to be afraid, but that you can’t let fear stop you. I want them to learn how to look fear in the eye and keep on moving. They’re too young to full grasp that lesson now, so I just try to reinforce it by encouraging them to try new things, but not force them. How do you help your kids tackle their fears?

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1. You are NOT the Fun Police

On the way home, I asked Bug if he had a nice time. He said, “Yeah, but I didn’t like that show part.” Big Guy muttered something about the $150 we had spent on tickets. I joked that we could have just taken the train, bought some popcorn (the highlight of the show for LadyBug), eaten pizza and headed home. Here’s the deal: the kids both had a great time. And, other than 45 minutes of stress at the show (Bug spent maybe 10 minutes in the room and the rest walking around with his dad), so did I. If you were to ask him today, I think Big Guy would admit to having some fun as well.

There are adventures I want to have with my kids. The zoo, apple picking, the theater, general travel, the beach, and so on. I have fond memories of those types of activities when I was young. But I have learned something very important about parenting. You cannot decree what your children are going to take away from the experiences or what they’re going to enjoy. A friend recently told me the story of taking a young child to Sesame Street live. Although he was a big fan of Elmo, all he wanted to do was play with the flip-down seats. Sure, it’s a lot of money to spend to play with the furniture, but he had a wonderful time. Isn’t that what counts?

As adults, we have been trained to believe in one right answer. I think of Bug’s physical therapist who gently chided him for putting a nose on the top of Mr. Potato Head rather than a hat. For young children, the world is a magical place. Everything is new. Letting them take the lead in deciding how to enjoy a family adventure is a great way to encourage creativity and innovation. On the other hand, trying to force your own vision of a good time on your children is a recipe for disaster. This is even more important if you have a child like Bug, who experiences the world in just a slightly different way than the rest of us.

The next time you take your kids out and things don’t go as planned, just try to roll with it. Try to find the wonder in new places and experiences. Sitting in a car repair shop could be heaven for a young child if mom and dad aren’t too grumpy to enjoy it, too. Let go of your own preconceptions about how someone should enjoy a particular experience. After all, you are NOT the fun police.

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